In this article, Zoe from Zoe Moss Counselling outlines the difference between overthinking and reflection and how she can help with overthinking.
Reflecting is great. Looking back at your day and thinking about the good things that you did, and at the things that you can do better can be really helpful in both your professional and private life. Overthinking, on the other hand, can be crippling. Creating problems that are not necessarily there, thoughts going in a spiral, thinking ‘what if?’ and exacerbating problems can be mentally and physically exhausting (hands up who else has spent hours lying in bed turning thoughts over and over in their mind??)
So how do we reign in the overthinking and start reflecting more?
Lets start with overthinking. It steals our peace and causes stress so how do we stamp it out?
- Be aware of it. A study showed that the average human has over 6000 thoughts a day. If we notice and name it ‘there’s that pesky thought again’ we can do something about it, whereas if we just let it swirl along with the other thousands of thoughts we may have the physical symptoms of anxiety without pinpointing why they are there.
So we are aware of it. What now?
- Stop it. When you are overthinking imagine a big red stop button in your mind and push it. That might be enough to stop the thought and move on. If not, you can try the following things.
- Write down the thought on a list. Only a few words. Think ‘I can deal with that later’. If this has stopped the obsessive thinking, great. If not….
- Put aside some time to think. In this time you can look at your list and challenge those thoughts (see next point for how to do this). Or if you would prefer, talk to someone about them. The trick is to have a specific time that you can do this, and only allow yourself to do it for twenty minutes, then tell yourself that you have worked through your problem and there is no more for your mind to do.
- To challenge your negative thoughts, question them – What is the truth behind them? What facts provide evidence against the thought? What is the balanced perspective? Imagine that you apply for a higher grade job and you don’t get it and you’re thinking ‘they think I’m rubbish, I did a really bad job at the interview and no one values me’. Challenge that! Could it be that you did a good interview but there was just someone with more experience than you? Or that there was one or two topics that you need to work on and that next time you’ve got this? Or that an interview techniques course can help you? Just because you have a thought doesn’t necessarily make it real.
- Breathe – In for 4, hold for 2 and out for 7. Even doing that just three times can help reset those anxious feelings in your body and while you are counting it is difficult to think about something else.
So how about reflection? This is more about looking back on what you did, why you did it and whether and how you would change it. This can lead to new insights and self awareness and can really help us feel energised and motivated, because it helps us move forward, even if it is reflecting on something we were not that happy with at the time. The following is a workplace example and uses the steps of Gibbs’ Reflective cycle.
- Description of the experience – I sent my manager a report I’d written and she sent it back saying that I had missed some things out.
- Feelings and thoughts around the experience – I was quite upset and worried that I wasn’t doing a good job. I thought that my manager must be thinking that I am incompetent. I was worried about how this would affect my job.
- Evaluation of the experience – I had covered most of the things that she had wanted but missed out a couple of things that she said were key.
- Analysis of the experience – I had updated the points that I’d covered in the report last month but not looked to see if there was anything additional to add. Apart from the missed additional points the report was complete and professional.
- Action plan – from now on I will make the last months report my base but will think about any additional information that I have received during the month, and also ask my manager if there is anything I may not be aware of that she would like adding to the report before I send it to her.
- Conclusion – The report that I had sent was well written but was missing some additional points. In the future I am going to follow steps to ensure that I don’t miss anything and if I do, will learn from it, and continue to improve my report.
I get that you may not come home from a tough day at work and automatically think ‘oooh, I must follow Gibbs’s reflective cycle now’. However, being aware of the steps can help prevent overthinking or thoughts spiraling, and set you on the path to questioning ‘What really happened? How do I feel about this? Is that a balanced perspective? What can I do to move forward in a positive way?’
Therapy gives you space to nurture reflection and tackle overthinking. Person Centred counselling is great for talking things through and exploring and understanding your emotions and thoughts. We are all unique and it helps you to discover who you are and what your values are in an empathic and non judgemental environment so that you can choose how to live your life going forward. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy challenges your thoughts and provides you with a tool kit to tackle unwanted behaviours such as overthinking. I work collaboratively with clients and often use a combination of Person Centred Therapy and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy to help them move towards positive change.
You can contact Zoe here