Hayley Dunn shares her experience and knowledge as a counsellor on how to support adults with a late diagnosis of ADHD and Autism
As a neurodivergent counsellor, I navigate the journey to acceptance of my ADHD and Autism, not just for myself but alongside my clients. This process is profoundly personal and often involves unearthing longstanding beliefs about ourself, triggering feelings of grief for a life of misunderstanding. For those of us that came to knowledge of our neurodivergence as adults, self-identification often comes long before formal diagnosis. Although many can find formal diagnoses validating, the road to diagnosis can be long and full of obstacles. Therapy, which can happen at any point in this journey, is more about embracing our unique neurodivergent identities in a world that often values conformity.
For many adults, recognizing themselves as neurodivergent often starts with a nagging feeling that something about their way of perceiving and interacting with the world is distinctly different. They may have struggled their whole lives without being able to articulate why they find life so difficult. My own realization was marked by these echoes of feeling out of sync with those around me, exhaustion from social interactions, my senses felt bombarded with too much information, my mind constantly, overwhelmingly busy.
Self-identification can come from various places, reading books or listening to podcasts, having candid conversations, or by piecing together experiences that highlight the unique ways we think and feel. I encourage clients to trust their instincts and honour these feelings, reminding them that they are the experts on their experiences. Engaging with writers and content creators with lived experience of ADHD and autism can be a valuable practice. They are often more relatable than medical descriptions that offer no real insight in to how symptoms feel from the inside. Understanding themselves as neurodivergent, clients can explore the intricacies of their thoughts and behaviours as they gain insight into who they are.
Self-acceptance emerges as a crucial part of this journey. We can recognise our particular neurodivergent traits, be it impulsivity, hyper-focus, or sensory sensitivities, are integral to our identity, not inadequacies to be masked. Although these traits can be challenging in the wrong environments, embracing them and creating the right conditions can unleash creativity, problem-solving, and deep empathy. Encouraging clients to recognize their strengths is vital. Many neurodivergent individuals possess unique capabilities that lead to valuable contributions. When clients begin to view their differences as assets, they experience profound shifts in self-perception, fostering compassion for themselves and their experiences.
Understanding how our nervous systems function, particularly in response to stress, is an important facet of self-acceptance. Neurodivergent individuals may experience heightened sensitivity to stimuli, leading to nervous system dysregulation. This state can manifest as anxiety, irritability, difficulty concentrating, or meltdowns. During these times, the body can become flooded with adrenaline and cortisol, disrupting digestion and sleep. Over extended periods, this can lead to exhaustion, shutdown, and eventual burnout. Psychoeducation about the nervous system provides clients with critical insights into their responses. Teaching them about the fight/ flight responses demystifies what happens in stressful situations. Understanding that their reactions are not personal failings but natural biological responses can empower clients greatly.
To cultivate self-acceptance, I stress the importance of equipping themselves with tools to strengthen their nervous system regulation. This approach promotes emotional stability and enables them to navigate challenges more effectively. Mindfulness practices can be fundamental,
helping clients anchor themselves in the present moment and connect with their emotions and bodily sensations. However, many neurodivergent individuals struggle with identifying their feelings and bodily signals. Reduced interoception—the ability to sense internal bodily states, such as hunger or fatigue—along with alexithymia—the difficulty in identifying emotions, along with delayed emotional processing can be part of autism. People with ADHD can struggle traditional meditative practices, involving sitting still and focusing on the breathing or mental imagery. The effort involved in these practices can increase anxiety rather than soothe, which in turn can lead more feelings of inadequacy and defectness.
Fortunately there are other mindfulness techniques that can help neurodivergent people connect to peace and calm. Simple grounding methods like focusing on the sensation of feet on the ground or holding a comforting object can redirect attention away from stressors, helping to regain composure. Mindfulness practices that involve movement can be beneficial for ADHD people. For example being fully aware of sensory sensations whilst walking, feeling the wind on their face, the feeling of their muscles working, whenever the mind wanders bringing it back to the smells and the colours around them. Engaging with passions and hobbies is a way neurpodivergent people access a calming flow-like state. Rediscovering calming stims which may have been suppressed is another way they can utilise their inate traits to regulate their nervous systems. These practices serve as reminders that even in turbulent moments, there are ways to find stability.
Another powerful technique is sensory regulation, which involves identifying and creating environments that cater to individual sensory needs. This might include adjusting lighting, using noise-canceling headphones, or finding textures that are soothing. By understanding their sensory profiles, clients can make empowered choices to cultivate spaces that feel safe and comfortable. I often encourage clients to experiment with various practices, to explore which techniques resonate with them, as this is a deeply individual journey. Engaging with these tool to calm their nervous systems can help reduce meltdowns, aid recovery from exhaustion and prevent the cycle of burnout.
Mindfulness also involves developing a kinder relationship with ourselves. Neurodivergent individuals may struggle with self-criticism, often comparing themselves unfavorably to neurotypical standards. I guide clients in nurturing a compassionate inner voice, allowing them to embrace their complexities without harsh judgment. Clients learn to acknowledge their feelings and experiences without self-reproach. This shift fosters emotional resilience, enabling them to navigate challenges with grace and understanding. I remind clients that this growth is a journey, we are undoing a life time of negative self talk. When things get tough its natural that we find ourselves falling back into automatic ways of thinking. We are building a new way of relating to ourselves, like a new set of rails to follow, it takes time to build them strong and reliable. It is entirely normal to discover new aspects of themselves and that each discovery can be a source of joy and pride, but can also trigger sorrow and grief that they weren’t recognised sooner. It is a bittersweet experience, but one that we share as neurodivergent people coming to terms with our past, present and future selves.
In conclusion, as a neurodivergent counsellor, my mission is to support individuals in their journeys of self-identification and acceptance beyond formal diagnoses. This journey is about discovering and embracing the richness of one’s identity while gaining insights into how to navigate the world with a willingness to not only accept but to celebrate who they are. Through psychoeducation about the nervous system, as well as building tools for nervous system regulation, my clients learn to honour their differences while fostering self-compassion and resilience. Ultimately, the journey of self-discovery is a beautiful exploration of being uniquely you—a testament to the vibrant diversity of human experience that deserves to be embraced and celebrated.
You can contact Hayley here